Attention.

I won't be using this much more...

I have LJ.

I will update occasionally, I guess. I just like LJ better. Sorry guys. Much love, though.

www.livejournal.com/users/monothevirus
www.livejournal.com/users/monothevirus
www.livejournal.com/users/monothevirus
www.livejournal.com/users/monothevirus

get the idea?

I am the best pastor in the world.

I'M A PASTOR!

Wow, three way calling with Somer and Travis always proves eventful.

Oh, uh, Happy New Year.

Fuck New Years, I'M A PASTOR!

Pastorette?
Pastora?

Somer + Travis = MARRIED

Due...to...me!

Things like this remind me that I'm not wholly useless. I've done good things. My new years resolution is to stop being so damn dramatic and self-hating and remember that I am good for something.

I HEART SOMER
I EVEN HEART TRAVIS

These people are such awesome friends, it's crazy.

OH MY GOD
I LOVE JON STEWART
DAILY SHOW = <3

Ben Affleck just made me laugh so very hard.

They were talking about how MSNBC showed how Saddam Hussein was lying in the spider hole - they actually built a box to the same size and dementions and got in it, looking fantabulously ridiculous.
(Jon: Apparently Saddam got his spider hole from Ikea.)

Ben: 'Cause Saddam was obviously very rich, and you just know that after seeing that, somewhere, Osama Bin Laden is just pissed off. (imitating Osama in a middle eastern accent) Look at that! Look! Saddam has big hole! I have this! Who do you have to kill to get a mars bar? He's even got a fan! I want big hole!

I laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

Ben: My accent went from Osama to Apu from the Simpsons.
Jon: (mid-sip, cough/laughs into his coffee) Oh, man, I'm sorry, it's just that I have such love for Apu, and it was great to hear him mentioned.
Ben: Now I feel bad for likening Apu to a terrorist...
Jon: No, no, Apu's not a terror- Let's get this straight, people. Apu is NOT a terrorist.
Ben: Just a hardworking man trying to get by.

Okay. Jon Stewart makes me laugh, and he loves Apu just as much as I do? Good man, good, good man. AND he's Jewish. What that has to do with anything, I don't know.

I'm going to go change my colors around. I'll do a Christmas/today update tomorrow.

-GusGus

Tomorrow marks the birth of Christ and the day that people give eachother worthless crap we don't need. We've overlooked the meaning of the day and reduced it to mindless gift giving. All we want is stuff, more stuff, more presents to unwrap, candy and toys and clothes and fun with some assembly required. We go and sit at the houses of relatives that you can't quite remember how you're related and fake smile as they give you the ugliest pair of socks that are 2 sizes too big. Oh, it's just what you wanted. Thanks.

I like Thanksgiving better. It's not commercialized. It's a day to relax with family and eat. That's it. You kick back and share stories while your uncle falls asleep from all the tryptophan in the turkey. There's no songs to sing, no stress over gifts. The biggest question is who's going to be doing the dishes, and am I sitting at the grown up table this time?

This year hasn't been too good. I mean, I didn't go to Eureka for Thanksgiving for the first time in I don't know how many years. My Thanksgiving was awful, the worst holiday I've ever had. One of the worst days, actually.

But this is just me being bitter. Tomorrow, I will have none such...bittery?

Merry Christmas, I guess.

I wanted to update, but I have nothing to say. Well, except that BILLY BOYD IS A HOT HOBBIT! (he's pippin, by the way). Ryan and I figured that Elijah Wood's eyes are so beautiful (well I said that) and bright because they're backlit.

Um... I don't really feel like saying anything else...cause Futurama's on...and...yeah...

Some Futurama quotes:

I can do that cause I'm a whale biologist.
THE SUIT WAS UGLY! (i'm a whale biologist)
Better do what he says, he's a whale biologist.

CAUTION:
HIGHLY FLAMMABLE SILK
SMOKE WITH CARE

You're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog!

This has been Roseann, your guide to the world of facts.

Speaking of which, my story kind of petered out without me learning a lesson... *cops come and grab him and start beating him* All right! Closure!!


end futurama quotes.


end....en total.

about five minutes ago i had a panic attack thinking about my future. it wasn't the worst i've had, but they're never fun. you get sucked into this downward spiral of your own thoughts and you can't get out, you can't think of anything but the problems you'll have and how nothing will ever work out, and your life is going to amount to absolutely fucking nothing because you're a worthless moron.

and your mind, your trecherous mind, it forces you to relive every empty moment in your life, every time when life seemed more like a cruel joke than a beautiful gift, like the churches say. why don't i go to church? it doesn't help me. it never has. god loves you, jesus loves you, you have so much to live for, etc. fuck you, you don't know and i'm not going to tell you.

i kept thinking that where i am right now is going to be the rest of my life.

this can't be the rest of my life. my mom thinks i'm suicidal. what a bunch of absolute shit. how can someone with a horrible fear of death be suicidal? i'll never kill myself, because i keep telling myself that there has to be more than this. there has to be more than this. but, if one day i realize that there isn't more, and i say to myself, 'is this it?', i'll have to make the decision then. but that day's never going to come, because there's always something else.

this house is so depressing, but at dad's i feel like i'm being choked, held back, bottled up. which is worse?

there is no progress.

i've been nothing but me for so long, i can't see any change. no progression or regression. i want something. either one. just something please let me know that there's more out there for me than el cajon and steele canyon.

take me away from here, show me something new, make me happy where i am.

i've accepted the old saying, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have", but I'm stuck on the second part. I'm having trouble wanting this life i've got.


and the only thing that makes me feel like things are okay is being with my friends. i saw lord of the rings: return of the king yesterday with jake and ryan, and i can't believe how much they mean to me. they, to me, show the progression from stupid 9th grader to only semi-stupid 11th grader. and people like somer and travis to me show the progression from semi-stupid 11th grader to semi-stupid 11th grader that's not so afraid to jump, to worry about the fall if it happens. and my friends, all of them, every single one of them, they mean so much to me.

i was sitting here, i couldn't catch my breath through my sobs, and suddenly i thought of ryan leaning over to me in the middle of lord of the rings (at quite a dramatic part, too), quoting pablo francisco: "so you've been making fun of me for shaving my juevos? this is my JOB, pablo, i take it seriously!", making me laugh and laugh, but trying to be quiet so as not to disturb the other movie-goers, and i stopped crying and smiled, and then I thought of Somer calling me a Mexican Jew Lizard, and millions of other fun times I've had, and suddenly I didn't feel so bad.


i wonder if you can get medication for panic attacks? sure, good memories and rational thinking can eventually stop them, but i'd like to never have another one, ever.

leah = emo.

tired, tired, tired.


I GOT A 5 ON MY CRUCIBLE ESSAY!
Oh yes, I did. What was that? Who's great? I'm great! It's my second 5. I'm so proud of myself. I'm bragging like whoa but oh well, deal with it, this is my tabulas, after all. On my paper, Miss Richardson wrote, 'Another excellent paper that shows in depth analysis!". I couldn't help but smile. Actually, I grinned like a maniac.

OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE SEEN IN FUCKING FOREVER:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/combat_wounded/51616.html#cutid1
and the guy is mmm mmm good...like whoa good. like....asdflsf.

ugh...due to me and travis beating the hell out of eachother yesterday (elbow fights, normal fights, and travis being determined to have me catch him), my arms are covered in bruises and my lower back is hurting. It was fun as hell, though. I caught Travis once, and dropped him 4 times. He probably has a concussion from falling so much. But it's his fault, I said over and over, "don't do it, I'll drop you! I'm weak!". But he was determined. Nate hit me a few times too. Jeeze, these kids hit hard.

Yesterday, Mr. Battle had this long involved story about his wife (well ex wife now) and her ring finger getting degloved and the skin having to be put back on with 2 square inches of other skin. And they got it from her bikini line. And he said, half-jokingly, "Well, I figured that wasn't a problem, since no one was going to see that but me." With this little laugh, and we were like "EWW!". But it was funny though. Heh, the skin graft was from a tan spot but an untan spot, too, so her finger had spots where the skin was much darker and much lighter. He called her Patches. HA! He also told us a kind of sadder thing. He has full custody of his son, Jordan. We asked why, and he just said, "She stopped being a mom." I felt bad for Mr Battle, but it's nice that he has full custody, because I can tell he's a good dad because he always brags about Jordan and talks about how much he loves him. It's really sweet. Jordan's 10, I think. And besides, Mr Battle's hot. Heh. He's only 29, you know. Or 28, I forget which. Hot, hot Mr Battle.


heeee! lookit!
http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2002/20021007l.gif
"Think of something fast!"
I <3 PENNY ARCADE. I <3 PENNY ARCADE.
I <3 PENNY ARCADE. I <3 PENNY ARCADE.


i'd <3 to eat a bagel right now. but i don't know if i should, i'm still feeling kind of sick, so i might throw it up. and i haven't been hungry since yesterday, so i'm wondering what's going on with my stomache. oh well. gotta take risks in life. i'll take cher's advice. i'll just do it, and if it turns out i throw up, i'll just say, 'shit, shouldn't have done that!'

bagel time.

I wish I'd gotten to see Max. One look at his picture and whoa. He's nicely built and has a nice face. Though he should smile in his pictures. I know he's got a great personality and it shows through smiles, ya know?

Aunt Mari and Gordon = SO AWESOMELY COOL!
They want me to make them a mix cd of all the bands I like and send it to them. I was like, "really?" and Gordon smiled and said, "Of course! You should so do that!"
Next time I go to Eureka, I am so chillin with them. They are awesome. And maybe I'll even get to see Max when I'm there.

Tired with homework. NOT a good combination.

I BROKE THE COCONUT IN HALF
I CARVED OUT THE INSIDE
I RAN AROUND AND MADE HORSE SHOE NOISES
I WAS MONTY PYTHON COOL

AND SOMER WILL BE EVEN COOLER WHEN I GIVE HER THE COCONUT TOMORROW!
we shall run around like king arthur and his men.
sir not appearing in this film.

-GusGus

i deleted the memegen thing because it made my tabs have annoying scrollbars. it just said my sexiest feature is: my lips, and my special talent is: stalking my prey. yeah. whatever.

soo...saturday i babysat. good times. got 30$ for it. cory (10 yrs old) and tyler (12) were great. we just chilled. watched part of the hulk, got bored, played James Bond 007 on N64, i cut my hand with a pocket knife (me: "It's not sharp...OW!"), we watched south park, etc. good times. hanging around little kids is fun. they liked me, didn't want me to go. cool kids. spent the night at mom's.

sunday morning went by slow. or rather i was slow. i didn't do anything. then i went to dad's. we went to see the parade of lights. it was....whatever. nothing big. i was just cold. there was a tiny little dinghy with two guys in it that had a big sign lit up that said something like "KNOW JESUS, KNOW PEACE", and one guy had a...whatchamacallit...like a microphone, but cone shaped...bullhorn? whatever, and he was saying things like "JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON" and stuff. They amused me more than the other people. dad wasn't friendly with one guy in the parking lot. just remember, the easiest way to get someone to do something is to be nice first. kindness is a good thing.

today...i didn't want to go to school. i reeeaaallllyy didn't want to go to school. but the research paper was due, so i had to. turns out i left my rough draft at home cause i'm smart like that. now i have to go back to dad's either tonight if mom takes me or tomorrow morning if kevin takes me. and i HAVE to. muchos points. i'm already missing points for turning it in late.

spanish test: failed. i NEED to get my grade up in that class. i CANNOT fail this quarter, too. I needs me a C-. C-! THAT'S ALL I ASK FOR! Why can't I do it? I guess I'm just dumb like that. Oh well.

Gus-Gus is feeling stupid. Very useless. But I'm okay anyway. I dunno. Don't ask, I need sleep.

*sigh* thinking about someone else now. no longer him, now another guy.

i miss him.

PANTERA - WALK
Can’t you see I’m easily bothered by persistence?
One step from lashing out at you
You want in to get under my skin
And call yourself a friend
I’ve got more friends like you
What do I do?

Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I’ve been
Belong
You can’t be something you’re not
Be yourself, by yourself
Stay away from me
A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time

Respect...walk
What did you say?
Respect...walk
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me?

Run your mouth when I’m not around
It’s easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing you song?
Those same friends tell me your every word

Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I’ve been
Belong
You can’t be something you’re not
Be yourself, by yourself
Stay away from me
A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time


Respect...walk
What did you say?
Respect...walk
Are you talking to me?
Respect...walk
What did you say?
Respect...walk
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me?
No way, punk!

[guitar solo]

Respect...walk
What did you say?
Respect...walk
Are you talking to me?
Respect...walk
What did you say?
Respect...walk
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me?
Walk on home, boy


god, i love that song. makes me feel all happily pissed off, as if i have a lot to be pissed about, but i'm not making a big deal of it. or something. hehe, leah's being strange again. but i'm okay, cause i'm going to be going to lunch soon. well, getting my lunch. okaywhatevergoodbye.

Assembly = sorta fun. lunch = sorta fun, then a fit of jealousy. 5th block = okay, waited for ryan to show, but he didn't, played cards with jake and michael and for a while one of the teachers who's name i can't remember. then it was down to a&w, where we met ryan and dan and a guy i've never met named charles who was super cool and had an awesome hat. then we saw stuck on you. then we went to target, then albersons, where the man weighed our doughnuts. one dozen donuts = 6.99.

ryan: we couldn't find a box.
checkout guy: that's okay.
ryan: i think it said 1.29/lb.
checkout guy: oh, okay. *weighs the doughnuts*
us: ....
checkout guy: that'll be 3.00.
us after we get outside: ...did he just weigh our doughnuts?

and the albertson's strikers ARE NOT NICE PEOPLE! Just because you bought donuts at alberson's then pick up a picket sign, they get all mad. and they quoted things we'd said about the pickets like an hour before. how did they remember us? i don't know, but it was creepy.

and i had this strange urge to attack ryan all night long. and i was mean to jake, and i'm sorry about that.

no more of this, don't feel like it. if you want a better description of friday, go look at el tabulas de Somer. <----See how Somer's name does that? Turns into a link? Isn't that cool? I didn't even use any HTML to do it, Tabulas does it for you...sorry, I love html tricks.

ahhh....endendendendendend...

Why the dizzy spells?
Why the clumsiness?
Why the feeling that I can't breathe?
Why the feeling of nausea at times?

WHAT DOES MY BODY HAVE AGAINST ME?

Last weekend I had the worst dizzy spell. I couldn't get up for a whole 3 minutes (I know that because of the song I was listening to on my CD player). The world was spinning and I was holding onto my bed so that I wouldn't crash into my dresser.

I have been so clumsy lately. A real klutz. I've nearly killed myself a few times, and have given myself a few good bruises. But I suppose this is relatively normal for me...

Lately, when I am just sitting as normal, suddenly I will get the feeling that I am not breathing and will have to take several deep breaths before I feel better. Like my lungs are shrinking.

Nausea is self-explanatory. I haven't thrown up yet, so that's a plus, I guess.

And I just cannot THINK lately. I cannot concentrate on anything. ADD, I swear. My head is full of some sort of dust and the gears aren't turning as fast as they should be.

I can't be getting the flu, right?


Oooh....man...I'm...tired.......but...research paper....
*sigh* and it's only wednesday. oh, it's 12:01. Thursday morning.


-GusGus

Somer, you will not escape.

YOU WILL LOSE THIS WAR! I WILL COME OUT ON TOP! I WILL BE THE VICTOR! BWAHAHA!

penny arcade = <3<3<3


"and best of all, incoherent racial slurs...
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME SORT OF MEXICAN JEW LIZARD?!?"


RESEARCH PAPER NEEDS TO BE DONE SO THAT I CAN BREATHE AGAIN!

*dies laughing*

How is Gus-Gus?
Very much improved! Thanks in part to friends that are the best cards ever. *cough*SOMER*cough*...and all my other friends to, but she was there right when I needed her to be. And she gave me advice from Cher that I am putting to good use. I just keep thinking, "Shit, shouldn'ta done that", and I feel better. <3.


Random quote type things real quick:

Jake: "Equal sign capital d!" (that was actually on monday, but shhhh)

Somer: "No, it's Gus squared!"

Today Nate and I explained to Torrey and Allan who Jim Morrison was and who The Doors were. Then I listened to Nate's Best Of The Doors CD, and was irritated that House of the Rising Sun wasn't on it, but oh well.

Somer: Oooh, Leah, you got the sunglasses look...
Me: hehe.

Lots, lots, so much homework to do. Time to write the other 2/3 of my Research Paper! Hooray! We love Nicaragua and the Sandinistas and Contras! Yay! We care about Ronald Reagan and the Iran-Contra crisis and the Motives, Methods, and Benefits of the U.S., and proving them innocent of the abuse of power. That's an intro, 9 BTs, 2 CDs per BT, 2 CMs per CD, and a conclusion. Bah. I'm a good amount through. Sure, it's due tomorrow, but still.

Okay, I'm out. More later probably.

GUS-GUS